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Crime 101: Slow, Boring, and Fit Only for Streaming
- Yadav B V
- 2 minutes ago
- 4 min read
One of the most painfully boring movies that I have sat through in a theater is Crime 101, starring some of the biggest names in Hollywood, yet failing to deliver anything even close to entertainment to the audience.
Find out why this movie is not worth even streaming for free on your OTT plan.
The ( Lack of ) Plot of Crime 101
This sad movie is about a thief who steals stuff in a unique way, and a detective tries to catch him. Then there's another thief who also steals stuff in the small geographical area that this other unique thief steals from.
The whole movie is basically seeing Chris Hemsworth driving around in a couple of semi-interesting cars in a boring manner, Mark Ruffalo looking annoyed and tired all the time, and Halle Berry looking more ordinary than she's ever looked. I stayed till the end just to see how bad the movie would get, and it failed me in that respect as well, maintaining a consistent level of bad.
I don't know if the plot is just that bad, or if it is a victim of second-screen consideration to make it as simple to follow as possible. Even if you watched the movie 10 minutes on and off, you wouldn't miss anything in the plot, including the ending - although you will be mad that you spent all that to watch a pile of crap being churned out by the Hollywood machine.
What Makes This Movie Suck
Chris Hemsworth is wasted as an action star, Mark Ruffalo is aged for apparently no reason at all, and they managed to make Halle Berry look vanilla! Nick Nolte should never have taken the role, considering how bad it is for the career of someone who doesn't act in movies that frequently anymore.
Monica Barbaro as Maya, the completely forgettable character without whom the movie would be exactly the same, is also wasted completely. Barry Keoghan as Ormon gets more action sequences, but they are pointless as they don't move the plot in any meaningful way.
When you see Tate Donovan as Steven Monroe, you think Oh, there will be some sort of a plot turn, but nothing fantastic happens. Then you realize if Halle Berry, Chris Hemsworth, and Mark Ruffalo couldn't move the needle in terms of tempo, nothing will.
The cinematography is decent enough, in comparison to the completely lackluster plot and overall execution, so that's something.
None of the action sequences are nail-biting, and when something interesting does happen in one of those, you suddenly realize the stakes were never that high. They had nothing to lose towards the end, but still chose to make the only part of the movie with any potential as boring as possible.
The suspense music keeps building to nothing, the stakes are incredibly low all the time, and it reflects badly on all the big names involved that this movie is so bad.
The slight hint of a twist at the end makes up for nothing, but it is barely a twist and highly predictable.
You might like Dept. Q Series: Clean, Crisp, Brilliant Thriller on Netflix
What You Can Watch Instead of This Movie
Here's a list of movies that are not that great with the same budget but with lower star power:
A great movie with a powerhouse performance from Michelle Dockery and Mark Wahlberg, also being there ( to witness it as a cast member, I guess ). The plot is simple, and it is a captive set so the onus is on the actors to bring the characters to life.
The Amateur 2025 ($60 Million )
A remake of the 1981 movie of the same name is pretty good, even with Rami Malek holding back on his performance intensity is a much better watch than this slopfest. Lawrence Fishburne makes a memorable appearance in this movie, along with Caitriona Balfe. Rami Malek takes revenge on his wife's killers while taking on the CIA single-handedly -pretty awesome premise.
One of the better movies out there. Jack Quaid breathes a lot of life into this movie with an unusual yet simple premise, with what looks like great execution. Jack has a condition where he doesn't feel pain, which makes life a disaster, but also gives him a superpower limited only by the limits of his body.
This movie revolves around the unlikely family reunion of Josh Brolin and Peter Dinklage as Brothers and Glenn Close as the mother. There's a heist, a lot of chaos, and some comedy as well. Its a made-for-streaming movie that punches well above its weight.
ANY movie in this list: Awesome B-Grade Movies You Could Watch When Bored
Evil Dead and Evil Dead III alone would be enough to make this list great, but there are also a lot of other movies that would make this list great to watch when bored insteda of this dumb movie.
And this list: More of my Favorite B Grade Movies
Tales from the Crypt and The Hunted are two of the best movies on this list, and other movies will entertain you for sure. Check it out.
How Would One fix this Movie?
What the director could have done differently is raise the stakes significantly, reduce the parts wherein characters self-reflect ( there's a lot of that going on with no good payoff ).
Change the filming location from LA to multiple international locations and make difficult logistics a plot element. Also, at the very least, they could have used real childhood pics of Chris Hemsworth as a child - instead, they get kids that look nowhere near like him.
Also, change the damn cars - what was wrong with the Shelby GT 500? That would have been a good nod to Gone in Sixty Seconds. Even Halle Berry's Mercedes was some boring SUV that nobody will remember.
Should You Watch This? Hell Naw!
Don't ever watch this movie in the theaters, maybe on streaming if nothing else is available, and only if it is part of your subscription plan.
